• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer

MJ and Hungryman

  • About
  • Blog
  • Feeding tips
  • Recipes
  • Resources
menu icon
go to homepage
  • Baby Led Weaning
  • Recipes
  • Feeding tips
  • Resources
  • About
  • Contact
    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • Pinterest
  • search icon
    Homepage link
    • Baby Led Weaning
    • Recipes
    • Feeding tips
    • Resources
    • About
    • Contact
    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • Pinterest
  • ×

    MJ & Hungryman » Feeding tips

    Positive Parenting When Your Toddler Won't Eat

    By Min On March 9, 2020, Updated May 7, 2020

    This post may contain affiliate links. Please see our disclosure policy for more details.

    Share or Save It for Later!

    positive parenting when your toddler won't eat

    It's dinner time, and the same ole scenario is unfolding. You put food on the table and your toddler won't eat! Not even one tiny little bite.  At that moment, you just want to explode and before you know it,  you find yourself doing what you always do - perhaps begging your child to take a bite, bribing them with treats, making them a special meal, etc.

    If you find yourself dreading mealtimes, I'm here to tell you that they don't have to a battle. There is a different way! There is!  A positive and effective way that will not only save your sanity but also your relationship with your child and family mealtimes. 

    Why your toddler won't eat?

    First check out this post for top reasons why your toddler may be refusing to eat.

    Allow me to paint a scenario: your child refuses to eat (again) --> you do what you always do - pressure, yell  --> your child still doesn't eat   --> the meal ends horribly for everyone --> repeats again at the next meal and the next with greater intensity.

     

    a graphic showing the picky eating cycle

    Change Begins with YOU!

    I'm sure you are aware of Albert Einstein's definition of insanity - Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Obviously, we're not doing this on purpose, but as humans, we fall into this trap because we are creatures of routine and habit.  After a while, our approaches become our security blankets, and it's soo darn hard to try something different. 

    However, we must make a conscious effort to snap out of our comfort zone if we want different results than what we're getting.

    Unless We, the parents, change first, nothing will change. We must learn how to do things differently in order to help change our children's behavior. 

    Here are the steps to consider:

    • Think about what behaviors you want to see change
    • How do you respond when these behaviors occur
    • Recognize at least one reaction that you know doesn't help make the situation better
    • What action or response will you replace your reaction with moving forward
    • Find an accountability partner - habits are hard to break so find someone to hold you to your new goal(s). A family member will be most ideal as they are present during mealtimes to keep you in check.

    Here's one example:

    • I want my child to eat something, anything on the plate!
    • I get soo angry and frustrated that I end up yelling and pressuring them to take a bite
    • When I yell, it seems like my child retaliates more to get a rise out of me
    • I'm going to try to remain calm and not force my child because I now know the importance of creating a positive mealtime atmosphere. That means I'm going to serve the meal (making sure there's at least one thing on the plate my child likes), enjoy my meal at the table, and if they don't eat it, then I will simply end the meal.
    • I'm going to ask my husband to hold my hand or give me a stare when it looks like I'm going to lose my cool.

    Now, I want to point out that change takes time. It's not going to happen overnight. But stay the course. Remember, you, the parent, are the catalyst for change. 

    Pressuring simply doesn't work 

    I wrote a whole blog post on all the different forms of pressure and how they can negatively impact your child's eating experiences and preferences. This is really important to address as these effects can last a lifetime. 

    What to do instead?

    a quote "not interfering with eating is not the same as doing nothing"

    First, get past the fear. The fear of giving up control. The fear that if you stop doing (making special foods, pressuring to take a bite, etc.) they won't eat!  The fear that if you let them decide, they may only eat bread or they will always go hungry; that they won't get the nutrients they need.

    Ironically, the harder you work to try to get your child to eat, the less likely your child will eat.  Instead of focusing all your efforts on  getting your child to eat, which is not your job, focus on the things that are ARE your responsibility and that you do have control over. 

    It’s your job to:
    • Choose what, when, and where the meals will be served - a.k.a the division of responsibility in feeding
    • Serve and expose your child to a variety of nutritious foods.
    • Be considerate of their preferences and limitations.
    • Create a happy, safe eating environment. Make the table a place that exudes positivity, encourages curiosity, not a place to be feared.
    • Be decisive and reliable (setting mealtime structure and limits and following through consistently) while at the same time, be respectful and tuned in with our children (letting them take full control of what and how much, if any, they are hungry for).
    • Role model. Their curious little eyes are always watching. Kinda sweet and scary at the same time, no? hehe.
    I don’t know about you, but this seems like a lot of DOING on our part!

    To Sum:

    Change is hard. So hard. BUT  if you change what you do and keep it changed, your child will change right along with you. I learned during our recent trip to Korea just how resilient and adaptable my toddler is! They truly are amazing little human beings, aren't they? And oh how we love them so! 

    Let's help our children learn to become joyous, mindful eaters by avoiding the urge to pressure or intervene with their job, which is deciding what, how much, and whether or not they will eat. Instead, let's focus on our role in feeding.

    Write down the list above and place it somewhere in your kitchen, dining room, or wherever you're most likely to see it. 

    And do whatever you need to do before mealtimes to keep your emotions in check. Allow the table to be a place of happiness, safety, warmth, and one that encourages curiosity. THAT truly is the secret sauce in helping your child learn to enjoy food and family mealtimes

    Other posts you might find helpful:

    • Is my toddler turning into a picky eater?
    • My child only wants snacks
    • What to do when your child won't eat dinner
    • How to help your underweight child
    • How to help your overweight child

    More Baby and Toddler Feeding Tips

    • Ultimate Guide to Finger Foods for Baby
    • Healthy Baby Snacks (Easy and Balanced)
    • Best Baby Cereal (2023)
    • Best Healthy Cereals for Kids

    Share or Save It for Later!

    Share: [addtoany]

    About Min

    Thank you so much for stopping by! I am Min, a Registered Dietitian, a Christ follower, a wife, and a mom to our two miracle babies! Currently, I’m having a ton of fun feeding their tummies and sharing our baby led weaning journey! Follow me on Instagram if interested in seeing daily menu as well as tips and tricks.

    Reader Interactions

    Comments

    1. Bruna says

      October 22, 2021 at 6:58 pm

      Absolutely love this. I sent it to my husband. people are always saying your child is so small he doesn’t eat enough, is he picky, he is not picky at all. So love this it should be a book!!

      Reply
      • Min says

        October 22, 2021 at 7:52 pm

        Can be so hard when you hear comments like that! So frustrating, isn't it? You're an amazing mama!

        Reply
    2. Carleen says

      October 07, 2021 at 2:10 am

      Hi Min! Great post. Does role modeling mean you need to eat exactly what you're feeding your toddler?

      Reply
      • Min says

        October 09, 2021 at 6:18 am

        Hi! That will certainly help especially with foods your toddler is learning to like. But you don't always have to eat the same because we, mamas, gotta honor our cravings too 😉

        Reply
    3. AnnE says

      March 09, 2020 at 11:02 am

      Love this post! Thank you so for giving me confidence to have successful meals with my toddlers.

      Reply
      • Min says

        March 09, 2020 at 11:38 am

        I'm so glad!! You got this!! 😉

        Reply

    Leave a Reply Cancel reply

    Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

    Recipe Rating




    Primary Sidebar

    HI!

    I am MJ, a registered dietitian and a mom of 2. I truly hope you’ll enjoy all the recipes and tips that I share on what and how to feed your child!

    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • Pinterest

    search

    Trending Now

    Three custard yogurt variations sliced into triangles and squares.

    Custard Yogurt Toast (Sweet and Savory)

    Banana mug cake in a cup with sliced banana and peanut butter drizzle.

    Banana Mug Cake

    An overhead shot of sliced banana oat bars with sliced banana.

    Soft-Baked Banana Oatmeal Bars

    stacked spinach baby pancakes

    Easy Spinach Pancakes (with yogurt)

    Cooked pancake slices on a white platter with dipping sauce.

    Korean Vegetable Pancakes (Yachaejeon)

    four cooked english pizza muffin with one of them sliced into three strips

    Easy English Muffin Pizza (with vegetables)

    positive parenting when your toddler won't eat

    Is your baby 4-6 months old?

    Give your baby a head start on solids even before their first bite!
    I'M READY!
    positive parenting when your toddler won't eat

    Is your baby 6 months old and up?

    Learn all the secrets to starting solids safely while optimizing nutrition!
    I NEED IT NOW!
    positive parenting when your toddler won't eat

    Is your toddler becoming picky?

    Arm yourself with these strategies that will transform your mealtimes!
    YES, PLEASE!

    popular feeding tips

    A four image collage showing how to serve protein finger foods for baby

    Ultimate Guide to Finger Foods for Baby

    A four image collage of healthy baby snacks including iron.

    Healthy Baby Snacks (Easy and Balanced)

    A four image collage of best baby cereals.

    Best Baby Cereal (2023)

    Four top low sugar cereals for toddlers and kids.

    Best Healthy Cereals for Kids

    Footer

    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • Pinterest

    Copyright © 2023 MJ & Hungryman LLC · Privacy Policy | Contact

    This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. Cookie settingsACCEPT
    Privacy & Cookies Policy

    Privacy Overview

    This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are as essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience.
    Necessary
    Always Enabled
    Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.
    SAVE & ACCEPT