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Someone recently asked me this question on Instagram, and I wanted to share my thoughts here because I know SO many of us have been in this situation.
“What are your thoughts on Division of Responsibility and always offering a safe food…even if that’s the only thing they eat and they keep asking for more?”
First, I LOVE this question because it highlights something that sounds so simple in theory but can feel incredibly frustrating in real life.
I’m a big believer in the Division of Responsibility, but I also believe in approaching it with flexibility, understanding, and a whole lot of grace.
At its core, the idea is simple:
You decide what, when, and where food is offered. Your child decides whether to eat and how much.
Sounds easy enough, right? Until your child eats all the bread, asks for more, and hasn’t touched a single bite of anything else on the plate 😅.
So let’s talk about safe foods!
One thing I always recommend is including at least one food your child generally enjoys and feels comfortable eating.
Think of it as a little reassurance on their plate.
Imagine sitting down to a meal where everything is unfamiliar or something you don’t particularly enjoy. You probably wouldn’t feel very excited about eating either!
Having something familiar can make mealtimes feel less overwhelming, especially for children who are still learning to enjoy a variety of foods.
And when children feel comfortable, they’re often more willing to engage with the other foods on the table.
But what happens when that’s ALL they want to eat?
Here’s where I think we need to shift our perspective a little.
First, remember that your child isn’t necessarily being difficult, stubborn, or trying to manipulate you.
Children naturally gravitate toward foods they know and enjoy. And learning to accept unfamiliar foods can take time. Sometimes a LOT of time.
So if your child eats all their safe food and asks for more, it’s okay to give them more!
You don’t need to withhold their preferred food in hopes that they’ll get hungry enough to eat something else.
In fact, putting that kind of pressure on the situation can make mealtimes more stressful for everyone.
But I also understand the concern.
If your child fills up on bread every single night, how will they ever learn to eat the chicken, broccoli, or whatever else you’ve prepared?
Here’s what I encourage you to do instead.
1. Don’t make the safe food the star of the meal
Sometimes without realizing it, we draw more attention to the safe food than anything else.
“Here’s your favorite bread! And I also made some chicken and broccoli. Can you try just one bite?”
Instead, serve everything together without making a big deal about any particular food.
The goal is to make all foods feel equally welcome at the table, rather than treating some as more desirable or important than others.
2. Make sure your child is actually coming to the table hungry
This is something I think gets overlooked!
If your child has been grazing on snacks all afternoon, they may not have much of an appetite for dinner.
And when they’re only a little hungry, they may be more inclined to stick with what’s familiar rather than engage with something new.
Try establishing a predictable rhythm of meals and snacks, with enough time between eating opportunities for an appetite to develop.
Of course, this doesn’t mean making your child wait when they’re genuinely hungry or restricting food to get them to eat more at dinner.
Here’s an entire post on how to help your child eat better with a feeding schedule.
3. Try serving meals family-style
This is one of my favorite strategies!
Instead of plating everything for your child, try putting the food in serving bowls and letting them help themselves, with assistance as needed.
This gives them some control over what goes on their plate and how much.
And sometimes, simply being involved in serving the food can make it feel less intimidating.
They may still choose only their safe food, and that’s okay!
The goal isn’t to get them to take more food. It’s to create opportunities for them to interact with it without pressure.
4. Make unfamiliar foods feel a little more familiar
If your child loves rice but won’t touch quinoa, you don’t necessarily have to serve a big scoop of quinoa and hope for the best.
You might try offering a small amount of quinoa alongside their usual rice.
Or if they love plain pasta, serve their favorite noodles with a small amount of sauce on the side for dipping or exploring.
This is sometimes called food chaining, where you gradually introduce foods that share characteristics with foods your child already accepts.
5. Don’t let one meal determine what you serve tomorrow
I think this is a BIG one.
Your child eats only bread at dinner, so the next night you decide not to serve bread because you’re worried they’ll do the same thing again.
I completely understand that thought process!
But rather than removing their preferred foods out of fear, think about how you can continue offering variety alongside foods they already enjoy.
Look at what your child eats over the course of a week rather than judging their nutrition by one meal.
Children’s appetites naturally fluctuate, and some meals will be more balanced than others.
6. Be mindful of how you respond when they ask for more
When your child asks for another serving of their safe food, try to avoid comments like:
- “But you haven’t eaten any of your chicken!”
- “You can have more bread after you eat your vegetables.”
- “You’ve already had enough pasta.”
Instead, you can simply say:
“Sure, would you like some more?”
Or if you’ve run out:
“That’s all the pasta we have tonight.”
You don’t have to convince your child to eat something else.
And you don’t have to celebrate when they finally take a bite of something new either. Keeping your reactions neutral helps reduce the pressure around eating.
7. Remember that variety doesn’t have to happen at every meal
This is something I really want parents to hear.
We often feel like every meal needs to include a protein, vegetable, fruit, and whole grain, AND our children need to eat some of everything.
But that’s not how most young children eat!
Maybe breakfast is mostly oatmeal. Lunch is a sandwich and fruit. Dinner is rice and a few bites of chicken.
Rather than trying to achieve a perfectly balanced plate at every meal, focus on providing a variety of foods throughout the day and week.
Of course, if your child consistently eats from a very limited range of foods, it’s worth checking in with their pediatrician or a pediatric dietitian to make sure their nutritional needs are being met.
